Fake Bravado

I'll update for the sake of memories, even though it hurts i wanna look back at this and laugh at it like it was nothing.

During December me and my old (group of) friends in HS had alot of meet ups. It was enjoyable and fun to the very last bit of it. There was a girl there i really liked, since i didnt want to let it go (or pass) i told her what i felt about her...

At first i just wanted to try help my best friend since he said that he liked her. I felt that the girl liked my best friend also so at first i just started to ask for hints and such to help my best friend. Later on i find out she says that she dosent really like my best friend so i just went on and told her that i liked her myself.

Yeah that kinda sounds like a bad move (and trust me it was), it was funny really. The two of us were like chemistry i guess. We had alot of things in common and we can read each other easy like a book (well i was able to read her anyway). She agreed to me courting her, we went out on our first date on the 27th. It was an awesome experience i wont really forget for she's the kind of girl that's fun to be around with.

The next day (28th) she went to my place just to watch random shit together and talk about stuff. Later on our other friends came for movie night, my bestfriend noticed the signs and such. He noticed and stormed out when he did for he was (i guess) really hurt because of what has happened.

next thing is just a TL;DR of events of me Saying the wrong shit to the girl, my best friend emo-ing and the girl becomes confused.

In the end i lost the game and myself. I made up with my best friend though and confronted him before the new year boomed/started.

As for the girl? i have yet to talk to her. Its funny because im going to ask her something and i already know what she's going to say. I guess i just want to confirm it inside me, that i want to remove the hurt that was left inside.

We acted like a couple (not purely but well..) and yet she really liked my best friend but didnt tell me. I felt i was lead on, like i was someone to fill the holes. What if we went out for long and my best friend decides to say he likes her? then i would've been like a fool (although i am one anyway). So yes i just wanted to see her and talk to her. Because even behind my Smiles and Fake Bravado (of Tengen Toppa Guren Lagann Manlyness spam) i still feel hurt and a little irritated inside.

I just need to clear my head, since everytime i drink alcohol it keeps hitting me back and fourth. (no i dont force drink alcohol bec. of depression, its bec. there's events that im forced to drink alcohol and remember shit s'why i get depressed)

So i looked up to the sky this midnight, It was as empty as i can see. Pure darkness and not one star to brighten it up. But even so it looked beautiful with its darkness and the light white sky that filled the air.