"Happiness"

[Warning: Non-anything/game related post]

Yes that feeling, after all this time i realized it yeah. I was that one, so its a diff form of happiness. I dont give a damn and will take all the time in the world for that one instance of acceptance. Anyway no one will get this post apparently lol, but still this is the best way i put how i feel today.

yeah im just happy in a sense, that simple sense.

Attack of the MOBAs

Last week my pc broke down, it was a sad event. My dad was around during that time he helped me with getting a new one even though i had the money for it he said he'll take care of it. Yeah my dad is awesome :P , anyway recently i havent been able to play GE bec. im playing too much LoL and HoN.

League of Legends:

I've been using sona and shaco recently, they're my 2 most played champs really. I play shaco with a killar sense of ganking. Since shaco dosent really excel late game (during team fights anyway). Its best you gank like a madman and get gold faster than your enemies can farm. Either they concede early or you're up for an awesome late game.

As for sona i use her when im with my friend Pongski. We always get our first blood, even if our enemy has flash! Why? 80dmg at level 1 and 16armor penetration sona. Rapes your starting armor and deals a shitton of dmg. I collect power chord (2 chords only) at the fountain. Sion Stun + Normal attack + HoV + Power Chord + Ignite = GG.

I usually get Sheen + berserker greaves + Black cleaver + malalady for her. Back then i played sona as a support, but i got tired of it cause its hard to support dumb carries/dpsers. So i decided to go with AD sona, to my surprise it was quite awesome.

Heroes of Newerth:

Not much to say, i've been playing PLAYGUUUUUU and Succubs so much recently that Ophelia and Nymphora got removed from my most used champs haha.

I use Tablet (Force staff) alot, its far better than portal key (blink dag). For its an awesome escape mech for Int champs. Normally i just make Tablet+shards for both of em, if ever my allies need it i also make an astrolabe and barrier. Else i just go for staff of the master lawls.

An old succu vid:

Random:

That's my table and new pc and shit, its running on:
Proc: AMD Athlon II x4 640 (3.0ghz)
Mobo: Gigabyte GA-M68MT-S2 GEFORCE 7025 / AM3 / DDR3
Ram: Kingston 2gb DDR3 1333MHZ x2
Case: Thermal Take V3 (4 120m fans, 1 front/top/bottom/back)
HD's: x2 Western Digital 500gb , x1 250 gb seagate
CPU Fan / Proc Fan: Coolermaster hyper 212 Plus
GPU: Inno3d GT 220 (my old vid card lol, will replace with: [EVGA GTX460]
Power Supply: Acbel CE2 500w

Pics of when i just attached the cooler:
[1] | [2] | [3] | [4] | [5]

Out of The Oven

Ah man after yesterday i just realized how much an "oven" my room was. Well i guess that's what you get when you have stone walls + no windows + wood furniture = Heat wave.

Anyway yesterday my friends asked me if i wanted to go watch Thor with em, ofcourse i said yes lmao. I've been wanting to go out since the start of summer anyway, its freaking boring here. Trust me, i dont know how those bums do it but i give them props. Its not easy going like this. I mean the process of; wake up - eat - pc - eat - do something random to kill boredom - still be bored - pc - pc - eat - pc - pc - sleep. I mean WTF SRSLY!

Ah well, thor was "ok". I mean its your average "hero" movie with all those things you'd expect in it. Nothing "woah" to blow you away (sure the effects and scenery of Valhalla was nice but meh. That's common now). It was worth the watch though, wasnt a rip off or anything but i could've/would've watched something better (though there's nothing better).

I like the avengers but im not much a fan of Thor. Im more of a hawkeye/cap. A/Ironman fan (if you catch my drift i dont like god-tier heroes). Oh Hawkeye makes a cameo in the movie (barton that is Lol). I wont spoil ya much, it was nice and i learned that (spoiler) loki is the son of a frost giant lol! (i didnt know that)

At the moment im watching an anime, its:

Its an old detective animu, i like watching these kinds of animu (the genre i mean). Its not bad, worth the watch. Im just at the earlier eps since i tried watching some old jdrama (which aint a drama) called Psychometer Eiji. Its very old and its not that well made. I guess one of those things i pause off from time to time and will re-watch later on.

Im also downloading a jdrama called "Voice" , wiki attack time:

A group of five medical students take on the task of conveying the “voices of the dead.”

Kaji Daiki fails to get into a popular heart surgery seminar but is somehow accepted into a seminar on forensic pathology. When he approaches professor Sagawa and asks him why he ended up in the seminar, Sagawa challenges him by asking why he wants to study heart surgery. Daiki replies that medicine is meaningless after the heart stops, but Sagawa counters that medicine also applies to the dead.

And so, together with fellow students Ryosuke, Kanako, Teppei and Akira, Daiki begins to explore the mysteries of death.

I got into this jdrama bec. of a song i really like. "Setsuna" by GreeeeN, props to Rahim/P3r1le for linking me "Ren's" version of it in nico douga.

Well this ends my post, will update you guys in GE when i do play more! I'll leave you with this song, haf fun~

A Universal truth learned?

So i've been on an animu x raiding (in GE) marathon. Been re-raiding bounty hunter like a boss and getting shit loots like a boss also. Anyway i wanna talk about this anime i watched, its quite interesting really since i kinda learned something from it.

Here's an image that will prolly explain it all:

Yeah this is related to my drama post, i guess for my friend to be happy he had to destroy another person's (mine) happiness. After watching this i really came to a realization some people that are really in despair tends to destroy other's happiness in order for them to feel some sense of accomplishment and experience pleasure from it.

If only i played my cards right that time i think chaos wouldnt have occured. If i wasnt so protective of the girl that i gave away a hint that we were together my friend wouldnt have done anything. I mean he's a fucking shy kid, he cant even tell the girl he likes her.

Past is past i guess, i was so blinded with the happiness bug i wasnt able to think straight.

A Quote to explain moar about the happiness thing:

The happiness theme in episode 2 was quite unique and thought-provoking. The reasoning behind the Happiness Game offered some things to ponder: Can an ambiguous, intangible thing like happiness really be stolen from someone else? This sounds ludicrous to most people, who probably believe that happiness, like many things in life, is randomly and often unfairly distributed, or at least cannot be bought by deeds alone, as people can be unhappy even if they have many fortunes, and vice versa. My favorite author, Mark Twain, believes that happiness is part of a person’s natural temperament, and nothing can make a person who is naturally happy completely unhappy, nor a naturally unhappy person happy. Therefore, Ayase, a person so consumed by unhappiness, could never be truly happy no matter what she did (in her case, tormenting or killing people). But perhaps some desperate, suffering individuals would try anything to be happy. The thing that seemed to push Ayase to this was simply the unfairness of life – why was an innocent person like her doomed to so much tragedy while Shiraishi, the person who had caused the death of her brother, was showered with happiness?

Quote from Anime Yume

The screenshot comes from the anime "Denpa Teki na Kanojo" (electromagnetic girlfriend), it was a good watch. Not your usual anime for sure, but somewhat predictable at some points.

As for GE, meh dun wanna talk about it. Shit loots from shit raids, dont ask dont bother. Waste of rep points, get like 1m vis from shitty drops bah. I wonder why i still play this game.

Yeah, we're all fucking insane deep inside.

A Slow Summer

Man! last year (around december or near jan) i couldnt wait for summer. Now that summer is here im fucking bummed to death. I mean seriously, there's nothing to do! Plus the heat during the afternoon is just unbearable (esp at my place)

I'd go out to my friends place but either they got summer classes or they're on vacation (provinces) else they're just too far to go to :| (im saving moola ~_~). Yeah i had plans for summer ya noes, i wanted to go out with patchy and stuff but meh. Past is past P:

So recently i've been watching animus that are clogging up my hd's. I got a shitton of them saved here (torrented like a boss since last year).

First thing i watched was Aoi Hana:

Yeah its a yuri anime and a good one to boot imo. Although i didnt like the end much since it left me wondering "so what's gonna happen next?". Its about Fumi (the girl with glasses) and her growth with regards to different relationships and life (and all that shit). Animu has 12 eps, it was rather slow at some point but it was worth the watch i guess.

Ah and a-chan says:

Next i watched an old-but awesome "classic" (2004), Samurai Seven:

Well i dont really need to talk much about it since most people already know about this. But for those that dosent know, its about a story of peasant-villagers going to the big city to ask samurais to help defend their village from mechanical bandits that always steals their rice. This show was awesome, it kept me seated right till the last episode. (except the filler episide i FF'd through that thing lol)

Was a good watch really although there were parts they re-used scenes. Like battle scenes that were just re-played or they just added a "rain effect" (lol you'll know if you watched it). Plus i think it kinda lacked a back-story, i mean the backgrounds of the 7 samurais werent much explained in full detail. How did "Nunky" transform from being a farmer to a mech samurai. Also the part where hei said he betrayed his troupe, it would be nice if they showed a clip while he says it. There wasnt much info about gorobe aswell.

Kirara looks like Reimu, RIGHT? RIGHT?

Ah my recent Games in LoL is kinda sad (loosing streak), Sona is sad :'C

Basicly here's a breakdown of my daily things:
-Wake up at around 10-12pm
-Eat dinner
-Raid abit in GE (if people for castilla/crow fest are around)
-Play 3 LoL Games
-Go out (morning walk/jog)
-Buy bread outside
-Make Breakfast for family
-Sweep the floors
-Watch Animu
-Lift some weights
-Watch Animu
-Sleep at around 2pm or 3pm

^Rofl

Granado Espada: Crow Fest

So today we revisited a raid we didnt really want to do. Back then we failed hard on this raid when bleu was still expert.

We had:
Vedengris, Illdamiel, SchwarzeKaiserin, Yanagiba, Bleustein and Me. But we were kinda fucked by the bosses bad. Maybe bec. the lack of human equips at that time and since bleu was still expert then.

Today we went in to test it out, to see if we can challenge it and include it to the daily raids we usually do. The results were awesome, it was far easier now than when we did it back then. (i love you protection field)

My calyce and musk survived the raid with shit armors (haha)

Seriously, what do you expect from GE's roulettes? lol

Im quite happy we were able to finish this one, maybe now we can add it to our daily raids. Although i still have some doubts with regards to this raid, bec. back then the bosses that spawned on us were quite annoying/strong.

This run we were up against:
Hellena - Killed First
Brunie - I ff'd her after hellena died (idk who schwarze and bleu targeted, i think jack)
Jack / Claude - Jack died somewhere while i was trying to hit claude (prolly from Schwarze and Bleu's aoe's)

Yana drawed aggro like a boss , lolol (i was hapilly gunning them bosses down while i drink some tea, no not rly lolol)

I bought a claire set (the new costume) for my lovely loli. Experimented abit and i find the new hairpiece compliments the rosa camille costume so much! Im thinking of getting another hairpiece since claire's default hairstyle dosent fit the new costume. But alas im quite low on vis after checking my inventory, must stuff more :|

I'll End my post here, enjoy!

Back in Action

Im somewhat playing GE again under a new name, i tried to continue with the current account im using but i just missed my old one so much. I left my account in the care of a good female friend of mine, she met alot of people and such so i just let her login from time to time when she misses the game.

Teroh Barracks

I went back to the game a few times with teroh (yeah). But i couldnt see/feel the flare in GE anymore. Something was missing so i tried playing other games like League of legends (i enjoyed this so much) and Heroes of Newerth (i was already an old player of it anyway). Plus with the shitty drama that happened around and school probs going down i somewhat lost the interest in GE.

Why? GE is full of drama, it adds more to my problems lol. But now im back after talking to Yuuka and getting my account back. She didnt mind since she's rather busy with her own thing at the moment. So now im under a new family name, although i'd love to rename it to straightener when i do get GP again (free or whatever, i dont mind spending. I got shitton of moola like a boss atm).

So here it is:

Lunetia Barracks

She based the name off a band i intro'd her to, guess she liked it that much lol.

So yeah im back to semi-playing GE, feel free to msg me under my new alias for anything. Although sometimes its not me online (if you're able to notice it) esp if "its" (the account) just afk in auch WATCHING YOU FAP.

I tried to do some solo raids with this account before they(some raids) got phased-out (by that i mean the requirements were changed):
Vergo - Triple Musk all the way
Raff - Triple Musk all the way
Uraeus - Dual Musk + Emilia
Undertaker - Fighter + Calyce + Scout
Chaos Req BH - Dual Musk + Emilia
Bahama BH - Random + Random + Emilia

and some other raids i cant remember, lol!

oh and i made some vids:


I miss my old CW days, too bad this acc is so outdated in equip. Plus theres nothing to war anyway. From what yuuka told me everyone lunatique wars backs out (the factions on-par ofcourse)



This is me trolling people in gehenna.

To those that always follows my blog, thanks (friend or foe). Im glad i got some random people reading my rants and raves.

I'll try make interesting posts related to sea granado espada. The forum is rather slow (like this summer). Ah well, till next time readers!

Drama, haha i never liked it one bit but it keeps chasing me

First things first, before you even would like to read this post here's some notes:
1. This is just me being melo-dramatic on something
2. you dont have to read this if you're after my gaming posts (which will be posted after this)
3. This is your typical emo-love-shit (yeah)
4. yes im over it but i just want to let it out i guess (since i felt so burned out earlier when i remembered it)
5. Yeah im semi-playing GE again

If you read my last post "fake bravado" i'll put in more detail in this one since that was not everything. It had an "aftermath" lol, yeah i feel rather confused x stupid x retarded x silly whenever i still remember it. But i feel burned out everytime i do too.

Let's start i guess:

That post was made during the 1st of january, it was such a bummer that my year was fucked up right from the start. During the 2nd a good friend of mine celebrated his birthday, our whole group went there to celebrate with him. I met up with Patchy (lets use this nick for the girl) and talked with her. I was quite happy because we were talking like there was nothing that happened. I talked seriously with her on what she wanted to happen, i asked if we could still continue on with it.

That time it was so clear to me and yet i didnt accept it, but i guess its the simple "love blinds you" shit. Yeah it sounds retarded but i guess it is true, i normally do think about things like these and i dont let myself get sucked in too deep.

I could see from her face, her expression. That she was confused and that she didnt want to continue on with it. I guess she was feeling pity for my "friend" (yeah that dude), she did tell me that she prioritizes her friends first rather than having/getting a boyfriend. I respected that and i guess i forgot somewhere that i was clinging on to her too much.

We talked and talked, she promised stuff i dont want to talk about anymore. Because in the end the only thing i got was the "promises were meant to be broken" phrase. I walked her home that night, i held her hand but i couldnt look at her face. I talked about things we normally laugh about. Those things that made us "us" i guess...

When we got to her home, i asked it again one last time and i saw it in her face. It was over even though she said "please give me more time to think about it". Whenever i look back at this i do feel stupid, that i blinded myself with fake belief that something of a "miracle" would occur or something.

Days passed slowly as i waited for her reply, but i saw it coming. A rejection filled with flowery words and indirect hints. If you're quite curious, here's an edited text file: [Mediafire]

After that it was a burst of anger or rather a mix of anger, depression and disappointment. I sent patchy a msg with everything i could say i guess, i was hurt, yeah.

I guess this will be my final long letter for you but i hope you are not offended and dont worry im not the type that looks for revenge or plants hate. Im happy for the both of you, may you guys have a fun 2011 and so on

Hey Patchy,
i saw your reply after i got back from dinner, i didnt really have that much of an appetite after what you said (no offense) not that i was rejected the fact that i was played for a fool yet again. (no offense again). Patchy i wished that you were WAY MORE honest. Till the end i believed in everything you said and i realized its just another cliche from a manga or some drama.

You should've told me Patchy that you never did like me or no chance in hell. You promised and yet.. i dont know Patchy. Im just sad, my heart wasnt broken because of the rejection its broken because the trust i gave so much of was shattered. I wont give up on anything but i've already given up on girls way back. I guess i'll take some time before i can collect myself and show you all (yes all of you) again my normal happy-troll-self. Since yet again i was fooled and played again , i may be the fool arcana and im going through my "fool's journey" but im still human and i can only take so much Patchy.

I dont want to hurt you but do you know how much it hurts when you (me i mean) come to a realization of how dumb you (me) sounded? i said alot of "romantic" and shit to you and yet its like that. I mean if you were more honest as a friend i wouldnt have...

I guess i really am a real fool in all ways. The Arcana, The Attitude, My Decisions in Life.

I faked myself so much last night telling you i feel bad for "Emo-friend" haha, instead i was really feeling grim inside myself. I knew it, your expression when you're with me and with him. That is why i cant bear to look at you when we walked last night, because i can see it. Thanks for the sweet times Patchy, whenever you need help i'll be glad to help you but i guess i cant really be my normal happy self. Not now, not tomorrow. I hope you can understand although this will be really harsh on your part. My final advice for you is just to be Really Honest to your friends, cant really describe how suckish i feel atm nor do i want to tell you how hard this hit me.

i have so much more to say but i want to end it here, thanks Patchy and sorry (for you and myself).

I felt so retarded that time, really. I still feel retarded even now bec. of this, but i guess things just fucks up from time to time. After that msg, it took some time but we did make up and we were back to normal. Ofcourse i kept the bestfriend act since i guess i was still chasing her.

She gave hints and such that she still has those feelings for me (from what i saw and what other saw) but i wasnt sure myself. I just continued on with it and i kept blinding myself more and more.

Maybe it was the fact that my emo-friend cant really reach her core even though she liked him. After the fiasco, she was really honest with me with everything (like some dad/bro she can tell stories at). Bec. for one my emo-friend emo'd at me bec. she somewhat rejected him. She told him "after looking back on events, i cant really see myself having a boyfriend / committing into a relationship".

I rofl'd inside i guess, i felt evil bec. im laughing at his despair but imo he deserves it. I wonder if he realizes the magnitude of what he's done to me, how i will forever remember that he fucked up something important to me.

Patchy was a girl i had something with, not like the other girls. She was somewhat my ideal in terms of having someone as a partner in crime. It was diff with her bec. we had alot of similarities and that i really understood her where everyone else couldnt.

Carrying on, we continued our normal talks and chats. To a point of my realization, one should know when to stop with their stupidity and blind faith. I was hoping if i continued with the retarded best friend thing, she'd somewhat realize something i guess. I was wrong to believe that something like that would ever happen, so i just gave up.

But after i gave up she kept messaging back, asking how i am and if im stil mad at her. Its rather confusing, when i try to forget about her she keeps popping back. I feel like im being toyed, or is she blinded that she cant see how i feel. Knowing her she prolly just thinks "ah i wonder how my friend is doing"

For the past 4 months it was like that, like a tape rewinding and playing back and forth. I was chasing something i couldnt reach already, im glad i stopped now... My "kamina" friend gave me realizations that i already knew. He just punched me in the face with realization, for me to realize it. So that i'd accept it, a confirmation from someone else.

Humans love asking others to re-assure themselves. They already know the answers and yet they want the answers to come from someone else to re-assure themselves that what they are thinking was right.

This post has alot of things i'd love to add but i would rather not, i've already shared too much to people who are gonna read this.

TL;DR - This was like a simple love triangle, with the girl undecided on who she'll pick and in the end we all eneded up hurting. But i guess she's over it , my friend must be confused at her answer and im done with it all.

As for my "best friend" ? i cant accept what he did. I cant even call him bestfriend, really. Me and patchy, we had something and he just had to intervene...

As for me, im back to my normal self. Im happy being like this but i still feel burned out whenever i remember it all. The things that could have been, the events that could have happened, the happiness i could've experienced. Everything went ablaze and turned to ashes right before my eyes. But i guess i deserved it after what i did to that girl way back, i still remember her and i guess i would want to talk to her and as for forgiveness.

I feel karma is rather true, after what i did to her most of my relationships went down. This just hit me the most bec. i really loved patchy alot.

I wish i could talk to Ceres again, say that im sorry for what i did...

guess that's the end to my useless post that didnt make much sense, so anyway why did i call her the locked girl?

Bec. She likes locking herself in her own "tower" (yea sorry its not a library like patchy) I thought i was her "marissa" but in the end i was just a koakuma. A helper , nothing more and nothing less.

From JDA's Feel the wind lyrics

Fake Bravado

I'll update for the sake of memories, even though it hurts i wanna look back at this and laugh at it like it was nothing.

During December me and my old (group of) friends in HS had alot of meet ups. It was enjoyable and fun to the very last bit of it. There was a girl there i really liked, since i didnt want to let it go (or pass) i told her what i felt about her...

At first i just wanted to try help my best friend since he said that he liked her. I felt that the girl liked my best friend also so at first i just started to ask for hints and such to help my best friend. Later on i find out she says that she dosent really like my best friend so i just went on and told her that i liked her myself.

Yeah that kinda sounds like a bad move (and trust me it was), it was funny really. The two of us were like chemistry i guess. We had alot of things in common and we can read each other easy like a book (well i was able to read her anyway). She agreed to me courting her, we went out on our first date on the 27th. It was an awesome experience i wont really forget for she's the kind of girl that's fun to be around with.

The next day (28th) she went to my place just to watch random shit together and talk about stuff. Later on our other friends came for movie night, my bestfriend noticed the signs and such. He noticed and stormed out when he did for he was (i guess) really hurt because of what has happened.

next thing is just a TL;DR of events of me Saying the wrong shit to the girl, my best friend emo-ing and the girl becomes confused.

In the end i lost the game and myself. I made up with my best friend though and confronted him before the new year boomed/started.

As for the girl? i have yet to talk to her. Its funny because im going to ask her something and i already know what she's going to say. I guess i just want to confirm it inside me, that i want to remove the hurt that was left inside.

We acted like a couple (not purely but well..) and yet she really liked my best friend but didnt tell me. I felt i was lead on, like i was someone to fill the holes. What if we went out for long and my best friend decides to say he likes her? then i would've been like a fool (although i am one anyway). So yes i just wanted to see her and talk to her. Because even behind my Smiles and Fake Bravado (of Tengen Toppa Guren Lagann Manlyness spam) i still feel hurt and a little irritated inside.

I just need to clear my head, since everytime i drink alcohol it keeps hitting me back and fourth. (no i dont force drink alcohol bec. of depression, its bec. there's events that im forced to drink alcohol and remember shit s'why i get depressed)

So i looked up to the sky this midnight, It was as empty as i can see. Pure darkness and not one star to brighten it up. But even so it looked beautiful with its darkness and the light white sky that filled the air.